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missing the ocean tonight. the cool, fierce breeze of the pacific; the moist, clay-ey sand between my toes; the soft hiss-crash of the waves a few hundred yards away; the seals barking because dammit, it's after midnight, it's time to play! what are you silly high schoolers doing, up past midnight with hours to go of homework? come have fun instead!
and california is my future. and optimistic, ever-hopeful that it will be andrew's too.
1/3/24: Oh, younger, dreamy-eyed self. You will make it back to California, though it'll take awhile longer than you'd imagine. And Andrew, too, will make it to California eventually; "we spent Christmas in California with my in-laws." Mild regrets for the worst parts of our younger selves' behavior and wishing we could have been better to each other, more prepared to love each other the way we deserved and needed, but that's the nature of growth. (I know, a lot easier to say as a 40-something than to hear as a 20-something.) And you will both be happy at your core, despite the circumstances of the future world.
and california is my future. and optimistic, ever-hopeful that it will be andrew's too.
1/3/24: Oh, younger, dreamy-eyed self. You will make it back to California, though it'll take awhile longer than you'd imagine. And Andrew, too, will make it to California eventually; "we spent Christmas in California with my in-laws." Mild regrets for the worst parts of our younger selves' behavior and wishing we could have been better to each other, more prepared to love each other the way we deserved and needed, but that's the nature of growth. (I know, a lot easier to say as a 40-something than to hear as a 20-something.) And you will both be happy at your core, despite the circumstances of the future world.
