bear

The two Death Cab For Cutie/The Postal Service concerts I treated myself to in October were really a belated present to my early-mid-20s self.

( some backstory, 2002-2004 )

So when I heard that The Postal Service was pulling it together for one more reunion tour, and that Death Cab for Cutie would be their costar on the double bill? Of course I was going to try for tickets. (You announce this on my birthday week? Double duh!)

( neuroses about arena shows )

And oh, my heart.

Sitting six rows up in the Greek Theatre in shirtsleeves as the fog rolled into the Berkeley Hills and settled on my arms, listening to Ben Gibbard croon to me for two hours about love and long distance and loss, was the best possible present I could have given February 2003 me, however belated. (Sitting a little further back at the Hollywood Bowl for an encore just over a week later, with bonus Iron & Wine? Cherry on top.)

( The Beths: love is learned over time )

( Death Cab for Cutie: there'd be no distance that could hold us back // I need you so much closer )

( The Postal Service: I am a visitor here, I am not permanent // everything will change )

( Iron & Wine: god give us love in the time that we have // for all the love you've left behind you can have mine )

The one thing I do feel was a real missed opportunity - they had Sam Beam there. How do you *not* figure out a way for Sam *and* Ben *and* Jenny to do a three-part harmony version of the acoustic version of Such Great Heights in the encore, when you even jokingly introduce it as "Alright, this next song is an Iron & Wine cover." I already knew how I'd harmonize it, how I'd buff up Jenny's part and add in more close harmonies from Sam. Somebody pass me a copy of Finale and Ben Gibbard's email, please :P

(And as I was heading back to the Metro after the concert with the other transit-takers, close to 11 pm on a Tuesday night, I had the most LA moment. Walking down Hollywood Boulevard, gliding past one person filming another person peeing on Ryan Reynolds' star, while a third person was art directing the shot. OH HOLLYWOOD, this is why you wear sunglasses at night, got it.)

But oh, 2003 self. I hope you enjoyed this present. Take heart. Go see more shows. Keep singing. (The choir you'll join that fall will do wonders for your soul.) Continue to fall in love as quickly and fiercely as you always do. Maintain that openness, that willingness to be vulnerable, to take risks. You have so much good coming your way. You were, and are, and will be loved.

Why I am now standing at the stove instead of watching the game:

Bottom of the 7th: I'm making peach chutney. I've set a timer. Mighty Mite at the plate, men on first and third. Petey gets a nice single into left and drives in a run. The timer goes off. Papi takes a strike. I have to go rescue my chutney before it burns. I walk to the stove, and as soon as I pick up my spatula, hyounpark is all, "DEEP RIGHT! DEEP RIGHT!" Papi hit a homer!

Bottom of the 8th: The chutney has cooled. I go back up to the stove to pack it up. JD Drew hits a homer!

UM YOU GUYS I'M NOT THAT SUPERSTITIOUS BUT, BUT, BUT.

AND THEN COCO CRISP DROVE KOTSAY IN WHEN I WENT TO STIR THE CHOCOLATE POT DE CREME OMFG

*

( hungry mother is YUM OMG )

*

( you spoony bard, or why I am always the little spoon )

Five years ago, just before 9 am, I puttered off to the bath; it was a hot September Tuesday morning and I didn't have to be at work until 10. I'd been chatting with theducks and kudzita and several others since the sun had woken me earlier, golden dawnlight through my window warming the walls and drawing me out of bed hours before I had to be at work.

( that day, content warning for everything 9/11 )

I went back to work later that week; I joined a choir again a few weeks later. I sang at various memorials; at one of them, I got a phone number on a napkin from a boy for the first time ever. If anything, I travelled more that winter, spending time with those I loved in faraway places. I went down to New Haven, twice. I went home for Christmas, then up to Portland and Seattle to visit West Coast friends, and rang in the new year in Vancouver chez pukajen; on the way home, we stopped at a steakhouse, and thanks to prime_meridian and ascian3 and sleipnir, I finally understood what delicious steak could be. I started a long-distance relationship with a guy in DC thanks to geebee_x, and flew into National multiple times, becoming quite familiar with the DC flight restrictions; he actually made the first visit, on a chilly January winter weekend; returned for Valentine's Day a few weeks later; continued to come see me. All of us seeking connection with those we loved; all of us freshly reminded how fragile it all was. And at the end of that winter, I visited danialindenberg in New York (with Ingrid and Angie and Marvin), and we met up with Michelle and Peter and went down to Ground Zero to pay our respects, and for the first time, I stood at the base of the Towers-That-Were, and gazed up into the sky, following the shafts of blue light as they trailed high into the clouds, imagining what could have been.

except i'm still tweaking the order. and stuff. ( but, yes. )

it's still a little weird not talking to him before i go to sleep. but, well, life goes on. and i amuse myself in that a couple of songs from the victor breakup mix made it onto the andrew breakup mix. bree sharp, natch; landslide as well (though i had the tori cover on victor's, and i'm using the smashing pumpkins' here).

will probably tweak this for flow, then burn it and go splash around in the rain melting the record two feet of snow that was his final present to me. (whatever, my lj, my poetic license. :) )

12/14/23: Have just discovered we can embed Spotify playlists over here now, so have a listen if you'd like :) ... okay, the embed is not working afaict, but that's what links are for.

the easiest way to get my attention is to talk about food. :D

i'm looking at savenor's holiday menu and drooling. dessert-wise, i'll probably go with rolling my own, although the chocolate grand marnier mousse bombe sounds heavenly, but i have been reminded in the last week by my pears rioja that i can handle making anything that has sugar in it. :)

somehow, we went the entire thanksgiving without eating any cranberries or cranberry sauce. this will, of course, not be true of christmas, though i'll probably be a christmas orphan this year. i love cranberry sauce so much, i eat it straight out of the can, practically. :) "would you like some mashed potatoes to go with your cranberry sauce?" though i really like the homemade version i did last year, the one with asian pears and ginger. and it's easy to make! i will probably do that for christmas, then i just need to figure out what else to eat it with.

but really, with andrew here, this whole long weekend has been a time to give thanks, and a time to eat well.

--braised pheasant with polenta
--garlic mashed potatoes
--pears rioja (ooh, flambee!)
--sushi from bluefin, i dragged him up to porter and my old neighborhood (and i needed to go to kotobukiya anyway)
--caramelized salmon with ginger
--way too much ice cream
--and last, but not least, dali. lots of seafood (mussels, scallops in saffron cream), lots of game (rabbit, wild boar, venison sausage in pomegranate sauce which i *must* get the recipe for), and one of my favorite desserts: floating island. mmm. :) but the real revelation was these amazing fried goat cheese balls with honey and caramelized onions! oh my gosh. if frying things didn't scare me i'd have to learn how to make these at home.

we took pictures, of course, though we waited till the last minute to do that again. one of these days, we will have pictures of us that aren't in an airport. really! (and one of these days, i will remember, backlighting is not of the good. meh.)

i've forgotten how to answer anything on the support board. eeps. that's what snuggling with your boy and playing too much ffx will do to you.

( whining about honking cars, ignore )

i have so much i want to say about this weekend, but what really sums it up is that it was meant to be. it's like the universe wanted to smack me over the head and say "just buy the damn ticket already, wouldya hon?" andrew on work documents, andrew on bus signs, andrew in ice cream containers, and the realization that i haven't seen andrew in three weeks are compelling arguments for impulsivity. (also, the last-minute flight deal helped. :D )

and that all crystallizes when i walk onto the train at rosslyn, head full of the plans to meet up with my co-conspirators* at a thai restaurant near andrew's apartment in order to pull off this eleventh-hour surprise visit.

and he's sitting there, in a two-seater right by the door, looking somewhat bemused and confused and stunned and happy at the sight of me and barely able to form the word "... hello." of all the possible trains we could have been on, of all the doors i could have chosen to board that train, it worked out to be that one.

in the end, i think this actually made for a better surprise than just meeting up at sawatdee, because only serendipity could have made this train thing happen. :D

meant. to. be. :)

(and a public thank you to grace for encouraging my impulsive streak and the blessings of happenstance that breeds, even though, dammit, i didn't get to see her and peter this weekend ;P)

( PWXR: a nerdy timeline )

Update 4/17/22: FOR THE RECORD, I WOULD LIKE TO NOTE THAT I HAD ABSOLUTELY PERFECT TIMING ON THE METRO TRANSFER AT ROSLYN FROM THE BLUE LINE SCURRYING DOWNSTAIRS TO THE ORANGE LINE WITH THE TRAIN PULLING IN RIGHT AS I HIT THE ESCALATOR. If only more trains had such perfect schedule execution!

red is the color of my night

the taste of my pasta sauce

the frustration at locking myself out

the color that a certain guy apparently turns when he talks about me.

...

WHEE!