(no subject)
Mar. 20th, 2026 20:52![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ursamajorI spent half an hour of my one wild and precious life filling out the Serious Eats Starch Madness bracket, because the world is going to hell so why not. (I will take the tiny light that California will be renaming Cesar Chavez Day to Farmworkers Day, and still observing it as a state holiday. Better to honor farmworkers as a class rather than continue the grand American tradition of hero-worshipping fallible individuals and then being shocked that "good people" can do "bad things" because we refuse to understand nuance, let alone act intelligently upon it. But goddammit that's one hell of a missing stair.)
This year's bracket is baked goods, all sweet, divided into four categories: Cakes, Cookies, Pies, and Pastries.
1. Devil's Food Cake vs. Angel Food Cake: Ooh, I like both, but chocolate wins. Especially the cake thathyounpark offered to get me for my birthday even before we started dating. Devil's Food Cake.
2. Tres Leches Cake vs. German Chocolate Cake: Not a huge fan of coconut flakes, Tres Leches Cake.
3. Vanilla Butter Cake vs. Funfetti Cake: Funfetti is more fun; Funfetti Cake.
4. Coffee Cake vs. Olive Oil Cake: I do appreciate the moistness of an olive oil cake, but because of the streusel, I'm going with Coffee Cake.
5. Strawberry Shortcake vs. Coconut Cake: See above re coconut flakes, though I think there are better cakes out there than shortcake. But my choice here is Strawberry Shortcake.
6. Pound Cake vs. Lemon Drizzle Cake: First, I have to share this because Afroman won his defamation suit. Quick summary: the cops raided his home a few years back on drug charges and turned up no evidence; Afroman was left with the bill for repairing his own damaged property, and the money the cops seized was never fully returned; Afroman wrote songs about the situation and used his cameras' footage of the raid in the accompanying music videos; the cops sued for defamation; the lawsuit proved to be another example of the Streisand effect; the jury sided with Afroman and free speech. And some of that footage was of the cops looking at a lemon pound cake on the kitchen counter.
Back to the bracket: I'm going with Lemon Drizzle Cake, as I appreciate a good syrup soak. If it was specifically *Marble* Pound Cake, I might've gone the other way.
7. Red Velvet Cake vs. Pineapple Upside-Down Cake: a toughie! I'm giving this one to Pineapple Upside-Down Cake because I've already got a good chocolate cake upthread in Devil's Food Cake, but nothing really fruity yet.
8. Carrot Cake vs. Hummingbird Cake: Hummingbird Cake has nuts, and I don't like intact nuts in my cakes. Or cookies, for that matter. Therefore, Carrot Cake. Especially because I know how to make it in a blender!
1. Chocolate Chip Cookies vs. Rugelach: Chocolate Chip Cookies all the way. Though I do appreciate a good apricot rugelach. And I want to make these tomato jam rugelach when the heat wave's calmed down a bit.
2. Sugar Cookies vs. Digestive Biscuits: I find sugar cookies frequently disappointing and bland. Digestive Biscuits are much more interesting!
3. Shortbread Cookies vs. Sables: Very slight preference for the meltiness of a shortbread vs. the crumbliness of a sable means I'm giving this one to Shortbread Cookies, but it's a close call.
4. Brownies vs. Blondies: Brownies, obviously. Without nuts in either case, also obviously. I might make an exception for, like, macadamia nuts, but otherwise no. (Have our default brownie recipe; Michelle Lopez's Weeknight Baking cookbook came out the autumn before the pandemic began, and as a result, I made these brownies A. LOT. And still do.)
5. Gingerbread Cookies vs. Alfajores: I prefer gingerbread spices to caramel; Gingerbread Cookies.
6. Peanut Butter Cookies vs. Biscotti: They both lose. They can both be incredibly dry. Though, as I discovered a few years back, if you accidentally screw up the butter and sugar amounts, biscotti can also be lava.
7. Snickerdoodles vs. Madeleines: I'm giving these both a bye to the next round and ditching the dry cookies immediately above. Though I haven't made madeleines in awhile, but I had a chocolate version I loved in 2004. I should dig up my madeleine pan and make them again.
8. Oatmeal Raisin Cookies vs. Banana Cookies: Oatmeal Raisin Cookies, hands down.
1. Apple Pie to Tarte Tatin: Tarte Tatin has a better filling:crust ratio. (Have our current go-to tarte tatin recipe.) If it had been specifically Apple Pie with Cheese, though, they might've gotten me on the nostalgia factor.
2. Chess Pie vs. Bakewell Tart: oh god, this one's hard. But honestly I could happily eat chess pie filling without the crust, so I'm going with Chess Pie.
3. Key Lime Pie vs. Lemon Meringue Pie: Mile-high Lemon Meringue Pie, Joanne Chang style.
4. Pecan Pie vs. Shoofly Pie: oh god, another toughie. I know I complained about intact nuts elsewhere but pecan pie is the exception. Pecan Pie wins.
5. Coconut Cream Pie vs. Strawberry Rhubarb Pie: This one's hard because they're so different. I think I'm leaning Strawberry Rhubarb Pie because of the flaked coconut on a CCP.
6. Chocolate Cream Pie vs. French Silk Pie. French Silk Pie by a nose, because I prefer mousse texture to pudding texture, but I love them both.
7. Cherry Pie vs. Blueberry Pie: Cherry Pie, but if we were talking wild Maine blueberries, my answer might change.
8. Pumpkin Pie vs. Banana Cream Pie: I like cream pie more than these results indicate so far! Whereas I find pumpkin pie tolerable but look there's a reason I haven't bothered with pumpkin desserts for Thanksgiving for oh my god it has been two full decades now, because apple pie and pecan pie are right there. Anyway, I do like banana cream pie! So going with Banana Cream Pie.
1. Banana Bread vs. Zucchini Bread. Tie.
2. Bread Pudding vs. Babka. Ooh. I do love babka, but I love bread pudding more. Plus, you can make a bread pudding out of any pastry. Bread Pudding.
3. Sticky Toffee Pudding vs. Sticky Buns. Oof. Going with Sticky Buns, but I kind of feel like there's some overlap with Pecan Pie there and so I should pick Sticky Toffee Pudding?
4. Cream Puffs vs. Maritozzi. Close, but Maritozzi, they're just that bit softer and more flavorful.
5. Eclairs vs. Apple Strudel. Eclairs, though a hot apple strudel on a cold winter day while walking to the train can't be beat.
6. Baklava vs. Bostock: Crispiest stickiest bite of heaven ever: Baklava.
7. Hot Cross Buns vs. Cheese Danishes: Cheese Danishes, for the filling. But neither is my first choice.
8. Cinnamon Rolls vs. Monkey Bread: Love them both, but going with Monkey Bread because it's more fun to pull apart.
1. Devil's Food Cake vs. Tres Leches: I want a chocolate tres leches. But Devil's Food Cake wins here.
2. Funfetti Cake vs. Coffee Cake: Streusel texture wins over superficial color, Coffee Cake.
3. Strawberry Shortcake vs. Lemon Drizzle Cake: Texture, Lemon Drizzle Cake wins by a mile.
4. Pineapple Upside-Down Cake vs. Carrot Cake: Pineapple Upside-Down Cake, I like pineapple better than carrots. ;)
1. Chocolate Chip Cookies vs. Digestive Biscuits: Still Chocolate Chip Cookies. Especially my chocolate chip cookies.
2. Shortbread Cookies vs. Brownies: Still Brownies.
3. Gingerbread Cookies vs. Snickerdoodles, which received a bye in the previous round over Peanut Butter Cookies vs. Biscotti: Ooh, I did give myself a toughie here. But I'm leaning Gingerbread Cookies as long as they're soft. Though I've been trying to make a good gingersnap for years and keep failing at that. But not what's at stake here.
4. Oatmeal Raisin Cookies vs. Madeleines, which received a bye in the previous round, see above: Tough, but I'm leaning Oatmeal Raisin Cookies here.
1. Tarte Tatin vs. Chess Pie: Augh. But Chess Pie.
2. Lemon Meringue Pie vs. Pecan Pie: ... how did I do this to myself? Pecan Pie. But damn, the meringue ...
3. Strawberry-Rhubarb Pie vs. French Silk Pie: French Silk Pie, easily.
4. Cherry Pie vs. Banana Cream Pie: Cherry Pie.
1. Quickbread vs. Bread Pudding: because I couldn't decide between banana bread and zucchini bread, though I have the former on hand more frequently. But Bread Pudding wins here either way.
2. Sticky Buns vs. Maritozzi: Sticky Buns, yum.
3. Eclairs vs. Baklava. Dammit. Um. Baklava.
4. Cheese Danishes vs. Monkey Bread: Oh, Monkey Bread, no question.
1. Devil's Food Cake vs. Coffee Cake: Dammit. But Devil's Food Cake. I love a good chocolate cake. Maybe I need to make a chocolate cake with streusel.
2. Lemon Drizzle Cake vs. Pineapple Upside-Down Cake: Pineapple Upside-Down Cake, easily.
1. Chocolate Chip Cookies vs. Brownies: FML.
2. Gingerbread Cookies vs. Oatmeal Raisin Cookies: ... this may be another bye, because it's really basic of me but CCC and brownies are easily the cookies/bars I make the most often and it's not even close.
1. Chess Pie vs. Pecan Pie. HOW. By the slimmest of margins, I'm going with Chess Pie, because of the gooeyness.
2. French Silk Pie vs. Cherry Pie: French Silk Pie. Chocolate mousse. Though I'm sad to say goodbye to the cherries.
1. Bread Pudding vs. Sticky Buns: oof, but I think I'm going with Bread Pudding for texture, though I love unraveling sticky buns.
2. Baklava vs. Monkey Bread: Oh man. But Baklava.
1. Devil's Food Cake vs. Pineapple Upside-Down Cake: Yeah, Devil's Food Cake.
1. Chocolate Chip Cookies vs. Brownies. AUGH DAMMIT. But I think it's gotta be Brownies.
1. Chess Pie vs. French Silk Pie: it's a toughie, but Chess Pie.
1. Bread Pudding vs. Baklava: I love them both for very different reasons, but Baklava.
1. Devil's Food Cake vs. Brownies. I gotta go with Brownies. The best texture and the best flavor.
1. Chess Pie vs. Baklava. WHAT DAMMIT. Argh. Chess Pie wins for the filling, but dammit.
1. Brownies vs. Chess Pie. YEAH DAMMIT. I keep saying Chess Pie for the filling, but if it's not a good pie crust, I'll happily leave the crust behind and just eat the filling. Which means I'm going with Brownies, because I love it as a whole.
Okay, I guess I should go figure out dinner that doesn't involve a stove because it got to 90F today, like 25-30F above normal. Rude. And yes, I started with ice cream. But I may need something a little more substantial.
This year's bracket is baked goods, all sweet, divided into four categories: Cakes, Cookies, Pies, and Pastries.
Cakes
1. Devil's Food Cake vs. Angel Food Cake: Ooh, I like both, but chocolate wins. Especially the cake that
hyounpark offered to get me for my birthday even before we started dating. Devil's Food Cake.2. Tres Leches Cake vs. German Chocolate Cake: Not a huge fan of coconut flakes, Tres Leches Cake.
3. Vanilla Butter Cake vs. Funfetti Cake: Funfetti is more fun; Funfetti Cake.
4. Coffee Cake vs. Olive Oil Cake: I do appreciate the moistness of an olive oil cake, but because of the streusel, I'm going with Coffee Cake.
5. Strawberry Shortcake vs. Coconut Cake: See above re coconut flakes, though I think there are better cakes out there than shortcake. But my choice here is Strawberry Shortcake.
6. Pound Cake vs. Lemon Drizzle Cake: First, I have to share this because Afroman won his defamation suit. Quick summary: the cops raided his home a few years back on drug charges and turned up no evidence; Afroman was left with the bill for repairing his own damaged property, and the money the cops seized was never fully returned; Afroman wrote songs about the situation and used his cameras' footage of the raid in the accompanying music videos; the cops sued for defamation; the lawsuit proved to be another example of the Streisand effect; the jury sided with Afroman and free speech. And some of that footage was of the cops looking at a lemon pound cake on the kitchen counter.
Back to the bracket: I'm going with Lemon Drizzle Cake, as I appreciate a good syrup soak. If it was specifically *Marble* Pound Cake, I might've gone the other way.
7. Red Velvet Cake vs. Pineapple Upside-Down Cake: a toughie! I'm giving this one to Pineapple Upside-Down Cake because I've already got a good chocolate cake upthread in Devil's Food Cake, but nothing really fruity yet.
8. Carrot Cake vs. Hummingbird Cake: Hummingbird Cake has nuts, and I don't like intact nuts in my cakes. Or cookies, for that matter. Therefore, Carrot Cake. Especially because I know how to make it in a blender!
Cookies
1. Chocolate Chip Cookies vs. Rugelach: Chocolate Chip Cookies all the way. Though I do appreciate a good apricot rugelach. And I want to make these tomato jam rugelach when the heat wave's calmed down a bit.
2. Sugar Cookies vs. Digestive Biscuits: I find sugar cookies frequently disappointing and bland. Digestive Biscuits are much more interesting!
3. Shortbread Cookies vs. Sables: Very slight preference for the meltiness of a shortbread vs. the crumbliness of a sable means I'm giving this one to Shortbread Cookies, but it's a close call.
4. Brownies vs. Blondies: Brownies, obviously. Without nuts in either case, also obviously. I might make an exception for, like, macadamia nuts, but otherwise no. (Have our default brownie recipe; Michelle Lopez's Weeknight Baking cookbook came out the autumn before the pandemic began, and as a result, I made these brownies A. LOT. And still do.)
5. Gingerbread Cookies vs. Alfajores: I prefer gingerbread spices to caramel; Gingerbread Cookies.
6. Peanut Butter Cookies vs. Biscotti: They both lose. They can both be incredibly dry. Though, as I discovered a few years back, if you accidentally screw up the butter and sugar amounts, biscotti can also be lava.
7. Snickerdoodles vs. Madeleines: I'm giving these both a bye to the next round and ditching the dry cookies immediately above. Though I haven't made madeleines in awhile, but I had a chocolate version I loved in 2004. I should dig up my madeleine pan and make them again.
8. Oatmeal Raisin Cookies vs. Banana Cookies: Oatmeal Raisin Cookies, hands down.
Pies
1. Apple Pie to Tarte Tatin: Tarte Tatin has a better filling:crust ratio. (Have our current go-to tarte tatin recipe.) If it had been specifically Apple Pie with Cheese, though, they might've gotten me on the nostalgia factor.
2. Chess Pie vs. Bakewell Tart: oh god, this one's hard. But honestly I could happily eat chess pie filling without the crust, so I'm going with Chess Pie.
3. Key Lime Pie vs. Lemon Meringue Pie: Mile-high Lemon Meringue Pie, Joanne Chang style.
4. Pecan Pie vs. Shoofly Pie: oh god, another toughie. I know I complained about intact nuts elsewhere but pecan pie is the exception. Pecan Pie wins.
5. Coconut Cream Pie vs. Strawberry Rhubarb Pie: This one's hard because they're so different. I think I'm leaning Strawberry Rhubarb Pie because of the flaked coconut on a CCP.
6. Chocolate Cream Pie vs. French Silk Pie. French Silk Pie by a nose, because I prefer mousse texture to pudding texture, but I love them both.
7. Cherry Pie vs. Blueberry Pie: Cherry Pie, but if we were talking wild Maine blueberries, my answer might change.
8. Pumpkin Pie vs. Banana Cream Pie: I like cream pie more than these results indicate so far! Whereas I find pumpkin pie tolerable but look there's a reason I haven't bothered with pumpkin desserts for Thanksgiving for oh my god it has been two full decades now, because apple pie and pecan pie are right there. Anyway, I do like banana cream pie! So going with Banana Cream Pie.
Pastries
1. Banana Bread vs. Zucchini Bread. Tie.
2. Bread Pudding vs. Babka. Ooh. I do love babka, but I love bread pudding more. Plus, you can make a bread pudding out of any pastry. Bread Pudding.
3. Sticky Toffee Pudding vs. Sticky Buns. Oof. Going with Sticky Buns, but I kind of feel like there's some overlap with Pecan Pie there and so I should pick Sticky Toffee Pudding?
4. Cream Puffs vs. Maritozzi. Close, but Maritozzi, they're just that bit softer and more flavorful.
5. Eclairs vs. Apple Strudel. Eclairs, though a hot apple strudel on a cold winter day while walking to the train can't be beat.
6. Baklava vs. Bostock: Crispiest stickiest bite of heaven ever: Baklava.
7. Hot Cross Buns vs. Cheese Danishes: Cheese Danishes, for the filling. But neither is my first choice.
8. Cinnamon Rolls vs. Monkey Bread: Love them both, but going with Monkey Bread because it's more fun to pull apart.
Cakes, Round 2
1. Devil's Food Cake vs. Tres Leches: I want a chocolate tres leches. But Devil's Food Cake wins here.
2. Funfetti Cake vs. Coffee Cake: Streusel texture wins over superficial color, Coffee Cake.
3. Strawberry Shortcake vs. Lemon Drizzle Cake: Texture, Lemon Drizzle Cake wins by a mile.
4. Pineapple Upside-Down Cake vs. Carrot Cake: Pineapple Upside-Down Cake, I like pineapple better than carrots. ;)
Cookies, Round 2
1. Chocolate Chip Cookies vs. Digestive Biscuits: Still Chocolate Chip Cookies. Especially my chocolate chip cookies.
2. Shortbread Cookies vs. Brownies: Still Brownies.
3. Gingerbread Cookies vs. Snickerdoodles, which received a bye in the previous round over Peanut Butter Cookies vs. Biscotti: Ooh, I did give myself a toughie here. But I'm leaning Gingerbread Cookies as long as they're soft. Though I've been trying to make a good gingersnap for years and keep failing at that. But not what's at stake here.
4. Oatmeal Raisin Cookies vs. Madeleines, which received a bye in the previous round, see above: Tough, but I'm leaning Oatmeal Raisin Cookies here.
Pies, Round 2
1. Tarte Tatin vs. Chess Pie: Augh. But Chess Pie.
2. Lemon Meringue Pie vs. Pecan Pie: ... how did I do this to myself? Pecan Pie. But damn, the meringue ...
3. Strawberry-Rhubarb Pie vs. French Silk Pie: French Silk Pie, easily.
4. Cherry Pie vs. Banana Cream Pie: Cherry Pie.
Pastries, Round 2
1. Quickbread vs. Bread Pudding: because I couldn't decide between banana bread and zucchini bread, though I have the former on hand more frequently. But Bread Pudding wins here either way.
2. Sticky Buns vs. Maritozzi: Sticky Buns, yum.
3. Eclairs vs. Baklava. Dammit. Um. Baklava.
4. Cheese Danishes vs. Monkey Bread: Oh, Monkey Bread, no question.
Cakes, Round 3
1. Devil's Food Cake vs. Coffee Cake: Dammit. But Devil's Food Cake. I love a good chocolate cake. Maybe I need to make a chocolate cake with streusel.
2. Lemon Drizzle Cake vs. Pineapple Upside-Down Cake: Pineapple Upside-Down Cake, easily.
Cookies, Round 3
1. Chocolate Chip Cookies vs. Brownies: FML.
2. Gingerbread Cookies vs. Oatmeal Raisin Cookies: ... this may be another bye, because it's really basic of me but CCC and brownies are easily the cookies/bars I make the most often and it's not even close.
Pies, Round 3
1. Chess Pie vs. Pecan Pie. HOW. By the slimmest of margins, I'm going with Chess Pie, because of the gooeyness.
2. French Silk Pie vs. Cherry Pie: French Silk Pie. Chocolate mousse. Though I'm sad to say goodbye to the cherries.
Pastries, Round 3
1. Bread Pudding vs. Sticky Buns: oof, but I think I'm going with Bread Pudding for texture, though I love unraveling sticky buns.
2. Baklava vs. Monkey Bread: Oh man. But Baklava.
Cakes, Round 4
1. Devil's Food Cake vs. Pineapple Upside-Down Cake: Yeah, Devil's Food Cake.
Cookies, Round 4
1. Chocolate Chip Cookies vs. Brownies. AUGH DAMMIT. But I think it's gotta be Brownies.
Pies, Round 4
1. Chess Pie vs. French Silk Pie: it's a toughie, but Chess Pie.
Pastries, Round 4
1. Bread Pudding vs. Baklava: I love them both for very different reasons, but Baklava.
Cakes vs. Cookies
1. Devil's Food Cake vs. Brownies. I gotta go with Brownies. The best texture and the best flavor.
Pies vs. Pastries
1. Chess Pie vs. Baklava. WHAT DAMMIT. Argh. Chess Pie wins for the filling, but dammit.
The Finals
1. Brownies vs. Chess Pie. YEAH DAMMIT. I keep saying Chess Pie for the filling, but if it's not a good pie crust, I'll happily leave the crust behind and just eat the filling. Which means I'm going with Brownies, because I love it as a whole.
Winner: Brownies!
Okay, I guess I should go figure out dinner that doesn't involve a stove because it got to 90F today, like 25-30F above normal. Rude. And yes, I started with ice cream. But I may need something a little more substantial.
